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Post by hanren on Sept 16, 2008 20:45:19 GMT 8
EMPLEYADO :Boss, namatay pala manager natin, pwede po bang ako na lang ang pumalit sa pwesto niya? BOSS:Pwede. Ewan ko lang kung papayag yung funeraria..  |
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Post by iCeM@n! on Sept 19, 2008 16:36:00 GMT 8
Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).
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Post by iCeM@n! on Sept 19, 2008 16:36:26 GMT 8
Tindero: bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
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Post by iCeM@n! on Sept 19, 2008 16:37:18 GMT 8
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po??. pero bakit naman butligs pa.....
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Post by iCeM@n! on Sept 19, 2008 16:37:36 GMT 8
Doc: Ano trabaho mo hija?
Girl: Substitute po
Doc: Hindi kaya prostitute?
Girl: Hindi po, mama ko po ang prostitute at kung may sakit siya ako po yung substitute.. ..
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Post by hanren on Sept 24, 2008 7:30:42 GMT 8
MANGHUHULA: "Gusto mong malaman kung sino ang iyong mapapangasawa?"
MISIS:" Hindi, gusto kong malaman ang mga nakaraan ng aking mister upang magamit ko sa mga darating na raw…"
--
MANGHUHULA: "Maghihirap ka at hindi liligaya hanggang sa idad na 40."
GINANG: "Pagkaraan ko ho ng 40, ano'ng mangyayari?"
MANGHUHULA: "WALA NA. Hindi ka na yayaman, dahil sanay ka na sa
buhay mahirap."
---
MANGHUHULA: "Maganda ang sinasabi ng bolang kristal."
NEGOSYANTE: "Sabihin mo kaagad kung ano iyon."
MANGHUHULA: "… Kapag ikaw ay namatay, sa langit ka mapupunta. Pero malungkot itong kasunod."
NEGOSYANTE: "Ano iyon?"
MANGHUHULA: "Inaasahan ka na nila bukas sa itaas."
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Post by hanren on Oct 21, 2008 10:17:45 GMT 8
JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?
NARS: doc, bat tinanggihan nyo yung pasyente?
DR: alin, yung bakla?
NARS: opo. Baka sabihin namimili tayo, porket bading siya.
DR: ano naman raraspahin ko sa kanya?
FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class
Things you don't want to hear during your own surgery:
-san yung gunting na bago? Bat may kalawang to?
-10ml? may nakasurvive na ba dyan? Sabi ko 5ml lang!
-doc, ubos na po pala yung anesthesia.
-kanina pa bukas yung tiyan, asan yung pantahi?
-sunog! Sunog! Labas lahat!
DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.
in a miss gay pageant:
HOST: how can we uplift our economy today even though we
are under economic crisis?
BAKLA: (namutla) mga bakla! Akala ko ba miss gay ito? Quizbee pala!
MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!
Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong
cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last
support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw
expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat
sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!
BOY: dad, tulong naman sa assignment ko. Find the least common denominator daw.
DAD: ha? aba'y elementary pa lang ako eh hinahanap na nila yan ah!
Aba'y di pa ba nila nakikita?
BOY: is this your first time?
GIRL: (angrily) oo naman noh. You guys talaga. So kuleeet!
Always asking me the same question. Paulit-ulit. Hmp!
Magsyota sa motel.
BF: alam mo love, ikaw ang first girl na dinala ko dito.
GF: sinungaling. Sabi nila lagi ka dito!
BF: oo, pero ikaw lang talaga ang girl!
STUDENT: ma'am, pagagalitan niyo po ba ako sa bagay na
hindi ko naman ginawa?
TEACHER: natural hindi.
STUDENT: good, di ko po ginawa assignment ko!
PARI: halika sa sulok
MADRE: bakit po?
PARI: sara mo pinto.
MADRE: wag po!
PARI: patayin mo ilaw!
MADRE: diyos ko po!
PARI: tamo rosary ko. Glow in the dark!
TITSER: bat ka na-late?
EDWARD: nawalan ho kasi ng 500 yung lalaki.
TITSER: tinulungan mo siyang maghanap?
EDWARD: hindi po, tinapakan ko lang hanggang umalis siya.
Sa kasalan
PARI: sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng
pakakasalan mo.
GROOM: eto P5, father.
Tinignan ng pari ang bride.
PARI: eto P4 sukli mo iho.
Sinoli ni Erap ang libro sa library.
ERAP: sobrang dami ng characters wala naman storya.
LIBRARIAN: kayo pala kumuha ng telephone directory namin!
SA OSPITAL.....
WIFE: hon, nahirapan ako huminga.
HUSBAND: kung nahirapan ka ng huminga, itigil mo na.
GF: magaling! At sino tong baby na nagtext sayo?
BF: ah eh kumpare ko yun! Lalake yun! Baby lang palayaw.
GF: oh eto replyan mo. Hindi daw kayo tuloy at may mens daw
ang walanghiya
INA: anak, tawagan mo nga tatay mo sa celfon. Pauwiin mo
dito.
[pagkatapos tawagan.]
ANAK: nay, babae po ang sumagot.
INA: lintik, sinasabi ko na nga ba, may tinatago yang tatay mo eh! Anong sabi?
ANAK: 'you only have zero pesos in your account...' hindi ko na tinapos nay mukhang matapobre.
Nagbubungkal ng lupa si Erap para magtanim. Akala ng nakakita niloloko lang siya dahil wala naman siyang tinatanim.
BANTAY: sir, wala naman kayong tinatanim ah.
ERAP: bobo! Seedless to!
ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!
PEDRO: niloko ko yung tindera kanina.
JUAN: paano mo naman niloko yung tindera?
PEDRO: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong celfon.
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Post by Randy on Nov 4, 2008 17:32:59 GMT 8
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's
and shyly walked up to
the woman behind the counter and said,
'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?'
asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,'
said the saleslady,
as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour
and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from .'
Relieved, the man asked
about the types.
The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic,
the Salvation Army,
the Presbyterian,
and the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?'
Now totally befuddled,
the man asked about
the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
'It is all really quite simple. .
The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.'
-----------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why,
but couldn't figure out
what the letters stood for,
it is about time
you became informed!
(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!...
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Feb 6, 2009 4:10:07 GMT 8
1960s - Made in USA
1980s - Made in Japan
2000s - Maid in RP (college graduate pa. kaya hit-na-hit lalo na sa hongkong)
OT: Pwede po ba akong mag-upload ng photo (comic strip actually) dito? Paano po?
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Post by hanren on Feb 6, 2009 10:11:43 GMT 8
sir reden, upload mo muna sa account mo sa www.photobucket.comthen pag na upload na sa photobucket, puwede mo na kunin yung image link. yung parang ganito: [IMG...... [/IMG] copy mo lang ito dito sa message body... eto yung include mo sa message... |
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Feb 6, 2009 13:04:15 GMT 8
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Feb 6, 2009 13:07:26 GMT 8
sir hanren salamat, mukhang palpak 1st try ko.. laki kasi sa bundok... try ko uli
edit: burahin ko lang po yung double post para hindi makalat.
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Feb 15, 2009 13:05:40 GMT 8
Pasyente: Doc, napaso po ang kanang tenga ko (hikbi!).
Doc: Ano ba nangyari?
Pasyente: Kasi po namamalantsa ako ng biglang mag-ring ang celfon ko. Imbes na celfon, plantsa po na-itutok ko sa tenga ko.. (aruy!).
Doc: A.. e yang kaliwang tenga mo, parang may paso din ata?
Pasyente: Kasi nag-ring po uli ang celfon ko after 5 minutes! (waahh!)
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Mar 11, 2009 4:33:27 GMT 8
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
Chinese Proverbs
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted..
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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reden
Junior Member
Posts: 109
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Post by reden on Mar 11, 2009 21:34:13 GMT 8
MUSHROOM  |
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